Call me a cynic but romantic relationships are never unconditional but with dating apps, the ability to put more conditions on relationships is too easy. You can choose the age range and distance and when you filter that bit down, you just go swiping through. Half of the time, not even reading their prompts or bios and just thinking of your ideal look; blonde – swipe left, buxom – swipe right, natural (whatever that means) – swipe right. Whatever the preference is, it becomes 20 times easier to filter down till “the one” is found. It becomes a game after a while, you swipe and swipe until you get a match and then the surge of serotonin sets in. You keep going for the thrill of getting a match but forget to message because then it stops being a game and they become a part of your life, no matter how brief. If you do start talking to someone and they do not meet your requirements, you will cut them off before even having gone on a date with them.
These apps encourage having conditions on love because when someone does not meet your wants, you know you have you have the option to easily move onto the next one. When you think of the person on the other end, everyone is aware they are easily replaceable so sometimes will pretend to be someone completely different to appease.
Self Worth and Validation
My last post I discussed male validation and dating apps are terrible for perpetuating the need for it. At the start of lockdown 2020, I had just got out of a string of unhealthy relationships where I had never been made to feel special, beautiful, or loved so when I got bored, I hopped on Tinder. For the first time in years, I had felt attractive because I was getting matches from men who were better looking than my exes (sorry not sorry). For a while, it boosted my self-confidence but soon I fell down this dangerous cycle of talking to men and realising that they were interested in my day or my intellect but how well I performed sexually. Eventually, you get bored and start to analyse your self-worth and start to wonder if you are even worth the effort anymore.
Performing like this has developed huge problems in my ability to connect with people. I am always thinking about how attractive I must make myself; I accepted being seen as a sexual object and when they do not see me as a person, I just start to feel like an empty shell. I developed a huge complex that no man will ever find me attractive if I am honest about my feelings or show my character and my very dry sense of humour because being sexy and sarcastic do not mix well. I have forgotten how to talk to someone properly without starting sexting; at this point, sexting has become as easy as breathing for me. The last time I was sexting I was sat in my bed looking like ET, watching Doctor Who and eating Tesco’s finest Cheese and Onion crisps which to be honest brought me more joy than the actual conversation.
New obstacles and stages in dating
The use of dating apps has completely changed the dating scene, but it is necessary for the better? Tinder was designed as a dating app but realistically is an app to find hook-ups. Rarely, now do people find love on them and if they do, that’s shocking. Since when though, was simply having a conversation with someone a stage of dating? But the irony is, is that people have forgotten to have a normal conversation and making small talk is painful but doing it over chat is just insufferable. Eventually to break the silence, the sexting commences because we all know, the easiest way to a man’s heart is through his d***.
Sexting
We live in an age of sexual freedom and that is an amazing thing. We all want to be sexually satisfied by our partners so sexting allows us to look at sexual compatibility before we date them. Sex is such an important part of dating. Do not date someone who does not make you feel like jumping on them when they’ve just come out the shower. However, dating apps have created this new precedent of expecting sexual conversation or seeing someone naked before even meeting them.
Sexting after a while is so boring, let’s be honest. How many can you tell a guy that their d*** is the biggest you have ever seen? It becomes as easy as breathing and after a while, you become desensitized to it entirely.
Problem is now, that dating is not about having a solid friendship but how well you connect with someone sexually and whilst it is important, I would rather have a relationship with someone who is my best friend before someone who is the top of my list. If you’re just using dating apps for a hook-up, then absolutely sext away because there is nothing worse than meeting for a one-time meet and it be so disappointing!
I am not going to say to not use them because that would be EXTREMELY hypocritical of me but take it with a pinch of salt at least. Do not take anything on there too seriously and if you do meet someone who actually is worth your attention, don’t waste your energy on other people just because they exist. Dating should never feel boring, especially in the early stages so do not let the boredom set in. Next time, you find yourself sexting whilst arm deep in a grab bag of Walker’s, then walk away, buy yourself a ‘rabbit’ and find your own pleasure.